Review XXXIII
Christmas Horror Double Feature
Nothing represents the holidays better than a horror film commemorating the violent depiction of Christmas! Today I'll present you with two films I thought might be worth a watch this year. We'll see if, however, they deserve an annual watching...
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Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
We shall start with our first film, Charles E. Sellier Jr.'s Silent Night, Deadly Night, released in 1984 which spawned quite a few sequels (even if some really did stray away from the original plot) and a lot of controversy when it was released.
It's Christmas Eve and five-year-old Billy Chapman (Jonathan Best) is on his way to visit his mentally unstable grandfather (Will Hare) who is currently in a mental hospital. He's excited for Santa to come and deliver his presents, and, while his mother warns him he must go to bed on time to make sure Santa does come, his spirits aren't too dampered... Until his grandfather warns him, in secret, that Santa will punish him severely if he is naughty and proceeds to laugh maniacally. Billy's spirit takes even more abuse when a man dressed as Father Christmas murders his parents in cold blood as the family heads back to their home. Nothing to worry about, right? That is what the head nun, Mother Superior, is convinced of three years later when she forces the orphaned eight-year-old Billy (Danny Wagner), who is staying in her orphanage, to be severely punished for being frightened of Santa. Skip ahead ten years and Billy (Robert Brian Wilson) seems to be well off - good-looking, strong, and obviously charming - until the Christmas season rolls around... Now he's going to take matters into his own hands and punish all who have been naughty.
The acting from eighteen-year-old Billy (Robert Wilson) was also really bland. It starts off with him looking charming, but he soon comes off as just an asshole. I had no feeling for him whatsoever - he just seemed so wooden. However, I thought five-year-old Billy and eight-year-old Billy were really good. Isn't it usually the opposite? Aren't the child actors usually worse than the adult ones? Anyway, the other acting was decent enough, but adult Billy... I guess I can't necessarily complain about his acting as much as the writer must have just wanted to take away all emotion from him, as well as dialogue.
I was pretty disappointed with the film for one real reason - it's not really about Santa being evil, but just about a person who goes insane. Billy watched the absolutely appalling event of his parents' murder and then was beaten and petrified into thinking if he questioned Santa, he would be punished severely. This is just the tale of a kid who had a rotten childhood and who ended up becoming mentally unstable. I just found it pretty dissatisfying because the Christmas element isn't even necessary for the film. Take it away and Billy could just be a killer who believes people should be punished. I mean, punishment is what is emphasised, right? You don't need Santa Clause to deliver punishment. Look at Jack the Ripper or Peter Sutcliffe, a.k.a. the Yorkshire Ripper - they murdered prostitutes because they believed they had to be punished. This film takes this and just slaps on Christmas - my guess is to ensure people would watch it at least once a year.
I can see why it was controversial at the time, and, given the shooting in Connecticut that happened recently as well as other spree killings that happen pretty frequently, could definitely turn people off. Still, the killings themselves aren't anything too gruesome or spectacular. Actually, I take that back - Billy has super human strength at times. Spoiler: at one point, he takes a woman and impales her into the antlers of a deer mounted on the wall, and no blood sprays everywhere. Sigh... If you're going to make it unrealistic, at least go crazy with it. Not to mention he often kills people that shouldn't even be punished and leaves ones that should be alive. This film had such random killings, not to mention few were done very Christmasy. Nope, I'm not letting that Christmas theme go.
I really complained about this one, didn't I? As much as I thought it was dumb, I wasn't really that bored watching it. I'd give if seven stars on ten - losing most of its points for its lack of Christmas being involved in the plot. I think the film would have been better without the idea of Santa in it, or if it had been incorporated better into the film. Still, it's a horror film, so what did I really expect?
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Santa's Slay (2005)
I suppose David Steiman's Santa's Slay is a bit of a cheap shot in relation to it being referred to as a "horror" film since it's most of a comedy, but hey, I call the shots around here! Let's check it out.
You know a film will be special when it opens to Fran Drescher putting a turkey on the table for her family who include Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, and James Caan! The dinner is interrupted when Santa (Bill Goldberg) comes down the chimney - and no, he isn't bearing gifts, he's bearing murder! Cut to Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith) and Mary Mackenzie (Emilie de Ravin) receiving gifts from their boss, Mr. Green (Saul Rubinek), a Jewish deli shop owner. Nicholas is our protagonist, and he's known for being the grandson of a crazy old man (Robert Culp). However, his grandfather reveals the truth about Santa to him, finding out Santa has been under-contract to deliver gifts to children for Christmas for the last one thousand years after losing a bet to an angel. However, he is actually the antichrist and now that the contract is over, he's eager to kill everyone. It's up to Nick, his grandfather, and his love interest, Mary, to save Hell Township (no, they are not in Norway) and the whole world from Santa.
Where Silent Night, Deadly Night failed, Santa's Slay succeeded - it used the aspect of Christmas perfectly. The film is about Santa being a crazy demon and he actually kills people festivally. It's all done with a comic undertone, which I really liked. I'm biased in that I find horror movies take themselves too seriously sometimes and just throw out the idea of being scary and instead aim to be shockers, like in the case of Silent Night, Deadly Night. This film decided to just make itself gorey and have the underlying demon idea (thus horror), but it brought in comedy as well (dark/black humour). This, to me, is the perfect mix for a Christmas horror film.
Robert Culp's acting is really lacking sometimes, but his lines made me laugh regardless. In fact, the film had some really funny lines. It doesn't rely on really lame jokes (though they do exist), and instead exploits on the outright greed most people have. I also thought it was awesome seeing so many cameos from famous actors; e.g. the pastor in the film is Dave Thomas. While I suppose it does date the film a bit since some of the actors/actresses are no longer popular, because the film came out in 2005, it totally fits with my generation and older ones as well.
I won't analyse the film too much because it's meant to be taken as a joke, so I'll just give my rating - eight stars. It's a high rating, but it gave me what I wanted: a killer Santa and spirit-of-Christmas deaths. I didn't expect much, but it satisfied me with that and threw in hilarity. It's no masterpiece, that's for sure, but if you're looking for a short, funny yet horrific Christmas film, check out Santa's Slay. Merry Christmas everyone, and to those who don't celebrate, at least you're getting time off from work/school!
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