Review XXVI - Braindead/ Dead Alive

Review XXVI
Braindead/Dead Alive (1992)

To be honest, I've only ever seen one Lord of the Rings film (I only recently watched the first one), so I never really knew much about Peter Jackson, other than he made those three-hour films about walking. That is, until I came across the goriest horror movie ever (as it is occasionally referred) - Braindead, or known as Dead Alive in the United States. If I remember correctly, I first heard about it from a Head Injury Theater article about it, but I might have heard it from another reviewer. Anyway, I started telling people about it once I finally bought it, and I remember someone distinctly saying, "Peter JACKSON? WHAT?" If you don't know who Peter Jackson, that's fine - it's just funny to shock people by saying this is a Peter Jackson film. The reason why it's such a shock is because this is a zombie film and Peter Jackson went on to win an Oscar for a fantasy film. Right, enough about this - let's talk about the film.

The film starts off on Skull Island where two men, one explorer and one local, are being chased by a group of natives. The reason? The two are carrying the Sumatran Rat-Monkey, a hybrid creature from the result of tree monkeys being raped by plague rats on Skull Island. The natives demand that the creature be given back, but the two escape unharmed... Until the explorer is bitten and scratched, in which he proceeds to lose his hand, arm, and head. We see the rat-monkey is transported to a New Zealand zoo. Cut to a Spanish woman, Paquita (Diana Peñalver), finding out she is destined to be with Lionel (Timothy Balme), a mama's boy who ends up falling for Paquita. However, his mother (Elizabeth Moody) is less than thrilled and ends up getting bitten by the rat-monkey while spying on her son and Paquita. This results in the degradation of her body, and yay zombies!

The plot is simple, but hilarious. I mean, this is a zombie gore film that is made to gross you out, so the plot isn't an essential necessity (says the person who complained about Poultrygeist), but man, I love it. It's a cute little love story that demonstrates the power of love through the killing of zombies. Sigh, isn't that the best kind of love? The acting isn't spectacular, but the writing is funny, and the protagonists and antagonists do a good enough job that I won't complain about it.

The gore, of course, is the part you all want to hear about. It's awesome. Yes, it's completely cheesy, yes, it's not the most realistic, but when you're dealing with zombies, that's okay. There is, however, a lot of blood and mangled human flesh being thrown around, and the lawnmower scene is a reenactment of Elixabeth Bathory bathing in virgin's blood. I know I said this already, but it's awesome. It's hilariously done, but it still drives people to gag with the amount that's seen in the film. I always love watching it with people who have never seen it before, especially if they're easily grossed out. The nice thing is, though, is that people like that can watch it because this is a comedy. It's not a serious film where people are losing their limbs - it's a funny film where people are losing their limbs! It's one of those films you can show someone who doesn't like horror films and at least get them to watch the whole thing without a fuss. I showed this film at my high school for a movie day, and that was quite an experience. The only thing I could imagine people complaining about would be that it's too "cheesy". I don't know - I like that in a zombie movie. Sometimes you just have to have fun!

I'd give the film eight stars on ten. It seems high, but the film gives me what I want - a gorey, funny film. The acting is lacking and the story is simple, but that's okay. As I said, you don't go in expecting anything special, but you do get a kind of gem. I highly, highly recommend this film to anyone - except little kids. The film is still pretty scary for little kids, but if you're of an appropriate age, give it a try. I hope you'll see it for what it's worth - a Peter Jackson zombie cheese film!

Also, just a quick warning... Make sure to watch the uncut version. It has a bit more gore.

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Review XXV - Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

Review XXV
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

I'd like to just give a little warning before I start this review. This film is, well, gory, but most of all, contains pretty explicitively provocative scenes. Watch it at your own risk!

Two years ago, for whatever reason, I was inspired to watch some real obscure, weird films with a friend. We got started on the list, but after watching Une vraie jeune fille, we abandoned the project. There were a couple of films I had downloaded to watch, and one of them was the musical, comedy, horror, just plain strange Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, directed by Lloyd Kaufman. Since it's almost Halloween, I figured it was time to watch this so I could have at least one review on here that was horror-related. The film was produced and distributed by an independent film company, Troma Entertainment, and apparently, Poultrygeist was their highest critical acclaim. Let me just say that I'm wondering just how weird and bad the films they've released are. The film stars Jason Yachanin, Kate Graham, Joshua Olatunde, Rose Ghavami, Allyson Sereboff, Caleb Emerson, and Robin L. Watkins. If you actually know any of these actors, I'm proud of you! ... Or maybe just horrified.

The film opens up to Arbie (Jason Yachanin) and his girlfriend, Wendy (Kate Graham), about to have sex for the first time in a Native American burial ground as they are just about to graduate from high school and since Wendy is about to leave for college, why not? As they have sex, a zombie reaches through the ground and is about to prey on them before a man interrupts the couple. Arbie and Wendy run off, and the man is completely ripped apart by the zombie. Cue title card! A semester later, Arbie finds his girlfriend has abandoned him for another girl, Micki (Allyson Sereboff), and the two are part of a group condemning the establishment of a new fast food restaurant, American Chicken Bunker, on the Native American burial ground. In order to get back at Wendy (and to win her over somehow), Arbie applies to work at A.C.B. However, weirdness insues when the chicken product seems to be possessed by the spirits of the burial ground and everyone becomes a chicken zombie. You can't get better writing than this!

I'm pretty sure I found this movie while looking up something on Ron Jeremy (no link for your own good). He makes an appearance in the film right at the beginning, and I think that can sum up the film as a whole - Ron Jeremy makes a cameo. Do I even need to continue? ... Yes? Fine. If the film was just about chicken zombies, I think I would have enjoyed it more. Instead, we get a mash of really sexual innuendos all the time, as well as just sex scenes, minus the unsimulated bit. Not to mention the rest of the humour is really crass. Now, I don't frown upon crass humour, but in this film, it's not even done well. Sometimes I'd laugh, but there were so many parts where I'd just groan out loud because the joke was bad. I'll give you an example, just for the heck of it. Humus (Rose Ghavami), who is a Muslim woman who wears a red burqa, witnesses the murder of the gay Mexican worker, Jose Paco Bell (Khalid Rivera), by a piece of chicken who turns on a chicken shredder machine and pushes Paco in. Obviously blood is sprayed everywhere, and the owner of the franchise, General Lee Roy (Robin Watkins), tells Humus and the manager, Denny (Joshua Olatunder), (in case you didn't notice it already, the names of all the main characters are a reference to fast food restaurants) to keep their mouths shut about the incident. Denny and General Lee Roy leave, and Humus says, after looking at the blood sprayed everything, "That reminds me - I need a tampon." Now, I've watched bad movies with bad lines, but lines like these are hard to come by - fortunately. I don't know why I'm even complaining - the movie is called Poultrygeist. I guess maybe I just hoped that there would be more decent writing in the film. Like I said, there are some good lines in the film (mostly the racist remarks, to be honest), but most of the time they're ruined by an obvious line followed from another character. I know it's a mock film on horror films, but some things are forgivable, and others are sins. The writing in this film is a sin and it doesn't deserve any chance to make amends.

However, even though the writing is horrible, the characters are mostly just airheads, and the film is walking on thin ice in relation to those sex scenes, there is one thing that the film has that I totally loved - the gore effects. I've watched low budget films, and most of the time, the gore effects were really lame. However, this film does really well in this department. The pulsating eggs were awesome when they exploded with green slime, and the chicken zombies and bloody explosions were pretty cool. I'm going to ruin a scene again, sorry, but it totally deserves recognition. A notable fat man, Jared, goes to the restaurant and orders a "low-fat" meal. He takes a bite out of a zombie chicken egg and proceeds to have, best way to describe it, the shits. That whole scene is gross as, well, poop, but it's well done. When the man inside Jared (don't ask because the film doesn't even know) breaks free, I thought that was really well done - especially considering it was a low budget film.

I'd give the film three point five stars on ten. The writing was terrible, and the plot was just really gross most of the time. It didn't rely on anything but petty humour and sex, and the only part of the film that gives it that three point five is the well done gore. Still, it's hard to sit through an hour and a half of bad plot when there isn't the one thing that makes it good: constant explosions of goo. Don't even bother looking this one up - it's really not worth your time - unless you happen to like racist-fart-joke-sex-filled-chicken-zombie-infested films.

Review XXIV - Children of Men

Review XXIV
Children of Men (2006)

I read P.D. James' novel The Children of Men six years ago, and I hardly recall anything about it. However, the idea of mass human infertility driving the species to extinction always fascinated me. Although there is some speculation on whether men's sperm counts are actually going down, I have read a book and several articles on the prediction that the y chromosome is being driven into the ground, and it is only a matter of time before everyone will have to rely on in vitro fertilisation in order to have children. Okay, perhaps that is a bit exaggerated, but The Children of Men brought this idea to an extreme and it was highly praised. Obviously a movie was made, and ever since I read the book, I always wanted to watch the film adaptation directed by Alfonso Cuarón and starring Clive Owen, Clare-Hope Ashitey, Michael Caine, Julianne Moore, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Pam Ferris. Years went by (seriously, six years?), and recently I was talking to a friend from school when he told me he had downloaded Children of Men. I told him I'd been meaning to watch it for ages, so finally today he brought his laptop to school and we watched it in the library. Anyway, enough with the anecdotes - on to the review!

The movie opens up to the death of the youngest person - an eighteen year old male - on Earth being killed by a bullet wound as a result of refusing to sign an autograph. People stand around a coffee shop in Britain, horrified at the news, as Theo Faron (Clive Owens) orders a black coffee, listening to the news as well. It has been eighteen years since the last child was born as women have all become infertile. The masses have gone crazy, and immigrants have flooded into Britain, which has become a military state. Theo, a former activist, visits his drug dealer and good friend, Jasper (Michael Cain) and works at a desk job where the manager doesn't care too much about lates and absences from its employees. He is kidnapped and is re-united with his immigrant-rights activist ex-wife and asks him to get transit papers for a young black woman, Kee (Clare-Hope Ashitey). He is thrown into the middle of the battle when he discovers Kee is pregnant and takes the responsibility of delivering her to the Human Project, an organisation aiming to cure infertility.

I thought it was interesting that they changed the infertility from men to women, and I know they changed a few other elements of the original novel, but as I mentioned, I barely remember the novel, so I won't be able to compare. I thought the film was really well done, and I was surprised it was only about a ninety minute film. It managed to pack in a lot and do it very well. It wasn't a rushed plot, and it wasn't like it delved right into the pregnancy - that came reasonably later.

The acting was also superb. It's strange to imagine how people would behave knowing their species is going extinct, but I thought the portrayals were wonderful. Clive Owen and Clare-Hope Ashitey did a great job as Theo and Kee, respectively. Okay, I did think it was a little strange that Kee was up for absolutely any idea thrown at her, but at the same time, if you believed your only hope was kilometers (yes, kilometers) and kilometers away, and you might be the last hope for humanity, I guess maybe you'd do anything to get to where you needed to go. It was strange seeing Michael Caine as a hippie, but he did a wonderful job. As well as Chiwetel Ejiofor as the rebellious leader and Pam Ferris as the religious midwife. No actor or actress made me groan because their delivery was less than decent - it was all well portrayed.

The scenery was well established, and it reminded me of third world countries at war... Yeah, what a romantic way to explain it. Seriously, though, it was grim the whole way through, and it was just interesting to see England as such a war zone.

Now, the part I will compliment the most, excluding the plot idea, will be the cinematography, if that's what it would be under. The way the scenes were shot was amazing, and I can name two major scenes that were done in one take. I'm not sure you realise how rare that is - especially in a huge gun fight. Most of them show one person shooting, screaming, and then another shot of the other, and another shot... Cut cut cut. In this film, as I said, I can name two scenes where one take was used, and they were very intense and long scenes. I thought this was amazing, and it made me compliment the actors and the grips and whoever else was involved in filming that single take.

I've just been praising this film like mad, haven't I? I'll just give my rating then - eight point five stars on ten. It was entertaining, had good portrayal, was interesting, and possessed a thought-provoking plot. I thought maybe it would have been better to go into the history of the infertility a bit more and explain the Human Project a bit more. Still, it's possible I missed that because I was in the library and everyone was talking around, so I won't really nitpick about that. I thought it was grand, and I recommend it. It's a depressing film, though, so don't expect to come out of it happy. Still, I prefer a film that gets me thinking and saddens me than one that just skims the surface - real good thinking films are a dime a dozen.

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