Review 163
Wonder Woman (2017)
It's the end of June, but I had to write a review before the month was up. At the beginning of the month, I went on an unexpected vacation for about two weeks, meeting some new people along the way, and attempting a new language. While the experience was certainly wonderful, my boyfriend and I were also pulled into the movie theatre to watch a movie. What great movie did we get to watch? The film was Patty Jenkins' Wonder Woman starring Gal Gadot and Chris Pike.
Diana Prince (Gal Gadot) receives a photograph from Bruce Wayne containing her and a mysterious group of men dating from World War I. Remembering a time once lost, Diana remembers her old life on Themyscira and how she came to know Steve Trevor by almost complete accident.
I could write a better synopsis, but then maybe this film could have written a better story. Actually, am I even surprised that they didn't? No, I'm not. Some friends of mine and I went to see Alien: Covenant (it's trash, don't watch it) and we saw the trailer for Wonder Woman. Obviously horrible, we made jokes about its release. However, then I was forced to watch it. All two and a half HOURS of it. Okay, before we even get started on plot, what is with super long films? I mean, I've watched Solaris, which bordered on nearly three hours, but that's kind of a joke with Russian stuff, no? Their literature is lengthy and detailed, as well as their films, but I don't understand why a superhero movie needs to be so long when the plot is as simple as "this man is evil because reasons". I mean, you look at the original James Bond film, Dr. No, and it was a little over an hour and a half. It didn't need much else. The latest one (as of this date) is over two hours long. Why? I'm not against long films, but when there's a reason. I don't enjoy dedicating myself to two hour movies when they're shit. And when you're in the cinema, you have no choice because you paid for your ticket.
Okay, so obviously I found Wonder Woman super long, but is that the only problem? No. It was complete stock with typical propaganda littered throughout. I don't really know what you want me to say besides that. Strong independent woman who don't need no man? Minorities everywhere who have been marginalised by the white man? Check and check. Jesus, the number of different races you see throughout the World War I shots. You've got to be kidding me - why are we throwing out accuracy? What does it add? I've had this argument with people before about wanting to watch movies just for fun. But even if you didn't give a shit for the stuff I just said, this film just threw up every typical arc in the history of story writing. Insert conflict, insert love piece, insert funny bit. And this damn film has an amazing review! What the hell, guys!
Honestly, I could say more, but I'm done. I think this clip from The Critic sums up exactly how I feel in general, though in this case, the audience doesn't recognise what is shit and what isn't. Just... I was done with Marvel five thousand movies before.
