Review CXXXVII - Grand Piano

Review 137
Grand Piano (2013)

Hey everyone! I'm sorry for my absence - it's been kind of a wild ride around here. I also haven't really sat down to watch any films, and then I re-watched Martin Scorsese's Cape Fear. I really wanted to review it, but my heart wasn't there. Sometimes I'm down to do a huge-ass review of the thing and look into it and analyse it, but it just means way too much time out of my day. So instead I opted to review Eugenio Mira's Grand Piano starring Elijah Wood, John Cusack, and Kerry Bishé. My sister's boyfriend brought up this film probably a year or two ago - I almost thought it was 2015 for a second, shit - and kept asking if I had watched it. I studied piano for years and, while I am no where close to being a concert pianist, I'm still kind of knowledgeable on the subject a bit. Anyway, I finally sat down to watch it last night after needing a film to play in the background as I prepped a card for my boyfriend. So onward!

Tom Selznick (Elijah Wood) is a well-renowned concert pianist who, five years prior, had screwed up a performance, leaving him with terrible stage fright. Deciding to break from his spell with the encouragement of his famous wife, Emma (Kerry Bishé), he returns to play on the piano of his great teacher, Patrick Godureaux, as a homage to his life after his recent passing. However, his usual stage fright is taken to a whole new level when a mysterious man threatens to kill his wife if he plays one wrong note.

So, yeah, it was cool. I thought it was a fun film. I think it goes without saying that the hand postures were a bit... strained in my opinion at times, but honestly, I was paying half a mind to it, so I think I missed a lot of the times where I got shots of Tom playing the piano. Of course there's the single one I knew from the trailer, but whatever, man - the point of the film was not the technical details of the playing of the piano. Just like in films, gun action is never accurate, but you don't pay mind to it, unless the film was about guns. In which case, maybe you might be upset. But there was some shit that bothered me if only because it was flat-out no. Number ONE - concert pianists don't use sheet music. I mean, maybe it happens on occasion, but seriously, this is not common. You're told of the performance and you memorise that shit, man. Even I memorised my piece for the last piano concert I did, and half the audience was under five (this was last year, so I was not under five, sniff). I know this was literally for the sake of the plot, but it was so bullshit. When he walked to the piano and the guy stops him and he's like, "You almost forgot your partitions!" I was more baffled that Tom even needed them than he'd forget them. Apparently the director studied piano, so this is a big no-no. I would have tried to implement the threats in another manner than the sheet music because seriously. That was too bullshit. Fake the piano playing, cool, but not the sheet music! Here, check this video of Marc-André Hamelin, a well-known and super famous pianist, playing an all Liszt concert. Liszt has some pretty technically difficult pieces, and do I see any sheet music? No. Here's Yundi Li playing at a famous competition at eighteen years old (skipped to my favourite part). Any sheet music? No, and here he was making a name for himself. Just...

Now, again, you practice like crazy before the concert to memorise that piano piece, yet Tom does a three-sixty when the killa asks him to change the final piece. First, the orchestra's like, "Yeah, cool, man, no problem." And Tom just memorised the piece once he realises he doesn't have the sheet music. So you can't play the freakin' piece you're playing for the concert and you need the sheet music, but the most difficult piece in the world - which you haven't played in years and is, again, the most difficult piece - no worries, that one is down. I think I remember the killa saying the thing is fast and technical and les accords plaqués are huge or something, but anyway, you really take away from the difficulty of the piece if Tom just has it memorised. I know he played that concert five years ago, but five years is a long time! I'm not saying Tom wouldn't remember anything, and I'm sure there's a theoretical aspect to the piece where he might be like, "Yeah, man, it follows the cycle des quintes," but BULLSHIT. This guy is also not at all distracted by the fact people might die around him and performs extraordinarily well, but you know, whatever, it'll help him remember. You would still need to practice it. And the orchestra - Jesus, are you kidding me? If you were willing to believe that Tom somehow knew the whole thing, then how does the orchestra know their bit down one hundred percent? And honestly, that conductor - the most jokester one I've ever heard, but it's okay, I liked it. Still, seems off to me.

I know I'm butchering this shit, but honestly, I couldn't review this film without mentioning anything. I mean, I understand it was necessary for plot, but I need realism here! And I guess I have one other point to mention - the killa's like, "You play other people's music. You're so unimaginative!" I know this isn't supposed to be taken as a literal argument, but this isn't a Beatles cover band, man. If we didn't have concert pianists and musicians to record this stuff, we'd never get to hear the beautiful works of Ravel, of Vivaldi, of Messiaen (oh, Messiaen and Pierre-Laurent Aimard). We could never go out and enjoy concerts of lovely (and not so lovely) pianists interpreting wonderful music. And let me tell you that pianists - and musicians in general - never take a piece and spew out something exactly like everyone else. Compare Gould's performance of Sonata No. 3, Op. 58, fourth movement from Chopin and Blechacz's performance. Different, isn't it? I took polar opposites here since Gould is always Bach-ing things up, but even if that is too subtle for you, listen to Led Zeppelin's live performance of Stairway to Heaven and then Frank Zappa doing a cover. Damn, son, kind of different, eh? Now, the point of grand pianists is to stay true to the original musician, but if the piece was written five hundred years ago, there is room for some interpretation. So don't listen to this locksmith talking shit. I'm guessing no one else particularly cared about this, but whatever, I still wanted to make a point.

Now, in the end, if you look at face value, the film does make a great point that, in my experience as an amateur pianist, the audience doesn't hear when you make mistakes. You can't play a piece perfectly - if you get it down technically, you could be missing soul. If you add soul, you maybe miss out on a note or a proper pause. But in the end, the little errors mean nothing to the audience. Granted, if I was in the audience and I knew the piece and the last note was a mistake, that would probably be different, but otherwise, you're there to play the music and enjoy it, not worry about making mistakes. The audience is mostly made up of noobs who enjoy the music, not teachers hounding down on you for screwing up somewhere. So that message really was great for pianists and musicians alike, I'm sure. Slight spoilers but honestly, the whole time I was wondering, "Couldn't he just play the last four bars slow...?" What if it wasn't exactly exact given everyone has a different interpretation of playing a piece? But whatever, I think I thought about this film too much.

Grand Piano was pretty flawed in its technical aspects, but it was still an interesting thriller. And I was dying, i.e. laughing, when I found out who the killa was (I literally knew nothing going in). To be honest, the voice was pretty nice - the deepness was just right, especially with the noise of the microphone, and the threatening speech just enhanced the beauty. I don't think I'll ever look at the actor the same ever again... Sigh.

Review CXXXII - Please Like Me

Review 132
Please Like Me (2013 - present)

Hey guys! Long time no see. Life has been hectic since I finished school given some pretty scary events, as well as a (temporary) move for the summer. While my last week back home was about seeing as many people as I could, I've spent the past week relaxing as soon as I get home. It's amazing how different work and school are, being able to clear your mind when you get home, unless you're your own boss, of course. Anyway, my friend recommended a site that is kind-of like the pretentious version of Netflix, and trust me when I say I've had great fun (although I have to say, the films I've watched so far are no substance and all emotional and artful views - but I put the site up in case you're looking for a new film). He also recommended a show based in Australia called Please Like Me starring Josh Thomas (also the creator of the show), Thomas Ward, David Roberts, Debra Lawrence, Renee Lim, and Caitlin Stasey. I was willing to give it a shot - I mean, I'm always looking for weird shows. Plus it was Australian, which I thought could be interesting.

Josh (Josh Thomas) is faced with a difficult decision after his girlfriend, Claire (Caitlin Stasey), breaks up with him over a nineteen-dollar sundae as she believes he is gay. Initially oblivious to the idea, he is soon faced with a potential love interest at his roommate's, Tom (Thomas Ward), work. In the meantime, his mother (Debra Lawrence) attempts suicide, distressing his father (David Roberts) and stressing his new girlfriend, Mae (Renee Lim), and it seems like Josh will be in the middle of more drama than he wants.

I was really hopeful, guys. I really was. I checked out the first episode, and it had the awkward cute humour of Short Poppies. I was down, so down. It was a bit more oddly executed, but it was similar enough. So I checked out the second episode. Again, I laughed at the Montagues and Capulets scene with Geoffrey (Wade Briggs), so I checked out the third episode... But it was stale, and turning sour. And then I finished the season, but it felt so... pathetic and melodramatic. So I checked out the first episode of the second season, and I checked out a season in the middle of the second season, and I watched the last episode of the third season, and I dropped it. What the hell? What happened? What happened to the cute humour of the first and second episode? It was gone - just gone! I was so hopeful, and it was just obliterated!

The reality is, while Short Poppies was awkward and thus cute, Please Like Me just got less awkward and more infuriating. I won't continue with the Short Poppies comparison because that show doesn't deserve it, so I end it here. Basically, Please Like Me spews out asinine characters who are the most incompetent cardboard cutouts I have ever seen in my life. Literally, I can separate the men and women into categories: men are pansies who belittle themselves, and women are super dominant to the point of insanity. The only exception is maybe Josh who gets out of the formula a little bit, but basically, any man who is attracted to a woman is getting his balls curb-stomped. And I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not. Tom, the roommate, is the most horribly undermined, weak, pathetic, FLACID excuse for a man I have NEVER seen in my life. No man - or woman for that matter - is as two-dimensional as this guy. The series starts out with him going out with the lord of bitches (we'll get to this). He always says he'll break up with her, but never does with fear of rejection and never finding anyone else. In the end, he makes out with Claire and, after a baby scare (because he's an idiot, if I forgot to mention), he dumps his girlfriend. But then he continues to sleep with her after Claire leaves for Germany. I get that Josh Thomas, the creator, was gay, but are you seriously telling me he doesn't understand how women AND MEN act in relationships? I feel like the show almost promotes being gay because then you aren't dealing with shit women - instead, you get to deal with super hot guys who will sleep with you at a moment's notice.

Anyway, Tom, while the epitome of the weak guy, is not the only one. Josh's dad is also a poor excuse for a man. He is dating a Thai woman who treats him like shit. She bitches about everything he does. Check it - I complain about my boyfriend (more jokingly than anything), just as he complains about me. But literally, I feel like this woman was just using him in order to get citizenship. She insults him in Thai to her parents, and he just waits on her and says he's sorry for thinking so much about his ex-wife and her depression. They end up having a baby together (great) and I think she admits cheating on him, but I didn't see the episode. But in the last episode, they're still together, so I think she just wrapped him around her finger, just like every woman's plan, muahaha. Seriously, where are the balls? I need balls! I need some women-smacking men in here!

Before I drop this (because those are our main male characters, folks!), I have one last comment to make about how disgusting this whole thing is. It's related to Tom again (spoilers). He ends up going out with this eighteen-year-old woman and they have a rabbit or something and the rabbit ends up dying... somehow (it's never explained). Tom calls up the girl, tells her the news, and she says, "Come over, we're having a funeral now!" Tom puts the rabbit in a birthday bag (I don't see the humour, at all), brings it on the train, and they bury it the girl's backyard (as she commands him to dig a deeper hole). In the end, they go to her room, and she slaps him, kisses him, slaps him, and tells him to take off his clothes. She then has intercourse with him BAREBACK (i.e. no condom. Jesus Christ, freakin' idiot) while she sobs and whatever. He ends up cumming quickly because bareback, and she calls him pathetic and tells him to leave. He does, and on the way back, he sobs after being "raped". Now, I'm not saying men can't be raped - they can. But this? This is rape? This is the equivalence of a little boy commanding a full-grown woman to take off her clothes, i.e. SHE CAN KNOCK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM WITH A SIMPLE WHACK. At no point does he make any initiative to say no. He could easily have walked out - Thomas Ward towers over this girl. If she had tried to stop him, he could have easily have overpowered her and held her down. A man IS STRONGER THAN A WOMAN in more cases than not. This? This is not raped. This is being so psychologically submissive to women that you make bad decisions. Had she drugged him and he woke up naked and psychologically scarred? Yes, rape. This? Not rape. NOT RAPE.

Now that I have the men out of the way, what about the women? Well, you know by now since it takes two to tango that the women in Please Like Me are bad. It's insulting how bad they were. Tom's first girlfriend, Niamh, as I said already, is a bitch. But seriously, you need to understand that she has no saving grace. NONE. Any time she opens her mouth, she is complaining, saying something bitchy, being a complete whore. People are not all bad, for god's sake. Yes, you have bitchy women, yes, you have annoying ones, but she is literally always angry and being a bitch. Do you not see how many times I used the word bitch?

Claire is just... I don't even know. She makes out with her ex-boyfriend's roommate and it's all cool somehow, and she fights with Niamh and ultimately makes Tom's decisions (from what I saw). She tells Josh they are still friends, and somehow this is cool again. Honestly, she wasn't saying enough for me to complain that much because she mostly just made out with Tom. In fact, she makes out with him while he may be a father. "But he did it too!" you cry. Yes, they both kissed, but she felt NO REMORSE.

As for Josh's mom, I, shit, well, I have nothing to say. She doesn't act like she has depression - unless she is bipolar and always feeling manic or something. At first she was okay, staying at home (though she really doesn't care for her son, but anyway), but the moment she started this Internet dating and started talking, it was gone. She is an idiot and honestly, I'm done with her.

Finally, Mae. As I said already, she is a bitch to her boyfriend/husband, Josh's dad. She was okay at first, but again, the moment she started talking more, including that Skype chat with her parents, it was over. It was over. I had not a single female character who was normal. The only thing is that the one female mental patient, Hannah, is okay from what I saw, but you want to know why? SHE DIDN'T TALK. But even she was bitter all the time. So really, I had no one. It felt like The Social Network (which I hated, by the way) where every single female character is a bitch, except I think for one girlfriend who we see only at the beginning. Yeah, I still remember that and I saw it in theatres in 2010 - and I will always remember this about this show.

So what about Josh? I have refrained from discussing him so far. Well, as I said, he doesn't quite fit into the pathetic man category, but he's an idiot as well. Guys, WHY. He is so two-dimensional AGAIN and just a jerk in situations where it is completely uncalled for. And honestly, this series just sees him hooking up with the most random guys, and I got the impression it was just because he was gay and they were gay, so hey, hook-up time. Seriously, he's a jerk. I actually liked Geoffrey, though a bit uncalled for sometimes, coming out of nowhere and being weirdly jerkish, like during the baseball game. Anyway, Josh is shit, and while I thought his attitude initially might be funny, it turned disastrous. DISASTROUS.

Please Like Me is bad. The first two episodes were okay, but I feel like the writers just put in the most unbelievable characters in order to get the story that they wanted. Seriously, watch the last episode of season three and tell me you know people like that. It also brought in pretty unimpressive views of life, like just settling for who you are now and never improving (what?). It also had great fun telling me about the war on terror and Syria (the show just copy-pasting the media - yay!) to try and make it seem like the show cares... NO ONE CARES, OR THIS SHOW WOULD NOT EXIST. Please Like Me? No. I will not.

Review CXVIII - Spring Breakers

Review 118
Spring Breakers (2013)

I'm angry and ready to rant, so I decided to watch a film I knew I could complain about. Time for another Harmony Korine movie - this time his latest shit, Spring Breakers, starring James Franco, Selena Gomez, and honestly, a bunch of other names I don't care for.

Honestly, you only need to know one thing about this film, and it straight up says it in the title: spring break. There. That's my plot summary.

Guys, when I reviewed Kids, I pretty much said this film was about drug culture in youth, something I know little about, and I concluded the film was okay. If I said otherwise, sorry, I can't recall. Now, what is this film about? Drug culture in youth. Okay, okay, there is a bit more to it. There's also the party culture, and it focuses more on women (yay, great) than Kids. But basically, Harmony Korine hasn't changed what his films are about. I mean, look, Harmony Korine is not a well-liked director, or so I've seen. Anyone who likes him has not yet been introduced to real pretentious films because his "deep" films are not deep - they're superficial and just garbage. Taking random guys off the street to act in your films doesn't mean they'll be good - it means they'll suck. But I'm just telling you what you already know. Kids wasn't the worst from what I remember, but let me tell you, I'm gonna rip a new one for Spring Breakers. And there is mostly one reason for it: the reviewers.

I debated watching this film. I knew what it was about because this film captures the garbage shit high school/college kids follow now. Dances consist of grinding, meeting with friends means drinking to no end. It's everything I hate about my generation, so I was really on the fence. I was curious, but I wanted to know if the film actually had a message, maybe one of Kids where the cycle of debauchery will continue forever. Plus it had James Franco - I mean, I don't like the guy, but it was still a big name. The only name I recognise from other Harmony Korine films is Chloë Sevigny. Everyone else is some rejected kid. So this film looked higher budget, had bigger names - maybe things had changed? Still, I decided to check out some reviews. Here's what I got:
1. Deep
2. Meaningful
3. The best Harmony Korine film
4. Not good, but got better over time
5. Boring, but worth it

Well, shit, that seems pretty convincing, right? Apart from 3, which could still mean the film was shit, Spring Breakers at least had potential, am I right? I should have remembered the golden rule of reviewers: they don't watch good films, and their top tens include some crappy Marvel film like Guardians of the Galaxy. Of course I'm generalising, but seriously, Spring Breakers was breaking my back and mind... Yeah, that didn't work. It was bad. I was angry. The film was party, party, party for the first half, and then it went to violence I didn't even care about. What is it trying to tell me, that our youth has crazy parties and they are messed up? What I'm getting out of it is that having spring break and going nuts is okay, as long as you let it go. Spoilers: do we support Selena Gomez (called Faith because this film is made for nimwits who did everything spelled out to them) when she leaves? Is it okay that she got drunk and made out with some guys/girls because she didn't rob the chicken place and because she's a practicing Christian? The film points to yes. We sympathise with Faith. I didn't. She's an idiot for following these girls as soon as she finds out they rob a place to go on spring break. Not to mention the guy she follows at her church seems like the shittiest trucker shit I've ever seen. He's not a priest - he's a joke. I feel like Harmony Korine picked him up off the street and told him to pretend to be a priest. The film basically mocks Faith, and while we, the audience, are supposed to sympathise with her, I didn't. She's an idiot. I'm glad she left when the going got tough, but this idea that a "one-time" partier is okay is wrong. It isn't right, it will never be right... Argh. Anyway, the rest of the movie. Was it deep? No. There was only one reviewer who got it right - you can't have your cake and eat it too. The film is trying to tell me that this party culture is bad and will lead to serious consequences, but then it exploits tits like no tomorrow. This is what brought people in - young girls in bikinis and possible nudity. It delivered, and not in a negative way. You could make it evident it happened without showing, but don't worry, Harmony Korine made sure to exploit those breasts and lean, young girls. This is deep? This is a message being delivered? Again, I just... how can a film lecture me about moral standings when it itself is not holding a moral ground on the very subject matter it's lecturing me on? So no. This film is not deep, it's shit.

Meaningful? Same response as the deep idea.

The best Harmony Korine film? It's a step-up because it has a bigger budget, but it's still boring, it's still shit. It's still Harmony Korine.

Not good, but got better over time? Do I look like this film is going to stay with me? Again, I could see some kids going like, "Wow, man. That film was so Harmony Korine. He's so deep, the message is so deep." Please, go watch The Seventh Seal and tell me which one is better. Please, let our generation have an appreciation for good films, not bad ones...

Finally, boring, but worth it. No. Russian films can be long, they can be boring, but that's their cinema. It's how it works. I skipped about after the one hour mark because it was tedious and kept going on and on about how I'm a gangsta and I'm a bad girl and blah blah blah. If a film is boring, don't defend it. It's boring, that's it. It's garbage, it's garbage. That's it! Guys, no.

There's also another point, something about James Franco. Honestly, his character was annoying. I'm glad he was able to piss me off the moment he talked - good job, James Franco (sarcasm)! Don't watch it for him because you'll likely blow your brains out how James Franco's character's brains SHOULD HAVE EXPLODED. Who keeps GUNS FULLY-LOADED AROUND. This guy is the biggest idiot I've ever seen. Eff him. And eff the stupid girls too. You see these girls acting like men, drinking like crazy and having sex like mad? I love it. Thanks, feminism. Thanks.

Spring Breakers should be ignored and never considered. Never watch it. Don't support it. The only reason I didn't waste my time with this piece of shit is because I did an assignment at the same time. Freakin' damn...

P.S. Did you watch the film and are now feeling filthy? Here, some Gregorian chants. You're welcome.

Review LXXVIII - Her

Review LXXVIII
Her (2013)

*bows* Guys, I'm sorry for abandoning you. With work and school overwhelming my schedule, I find it hard to one, watch films, and then two, review them. However, I found an especially catchy song I want to loop, so I decided to take the time to write a review about Spike Jonze's Oscar-winning Her. It stars Joaquin Phoenix, Scarlett Johansson, and Amy Adams. But first, I'll speak about the Oscars briefly.

I didn't watch many Oscar-nominated films this year given that I was busy with everything. I checked out Jagten (which I reviewed), La grande bellezza, Gravity, and American Hustle. You already know my feelings about Mads Mikkelsen, I mean, Jagten. La grande bellezza was a pretty good film (it had Poulenc's first movement of "Mouvements perpetuels" at one point!), albeit the CGI was a bit bothersome as I found it wasn't the best quality and not necessary to the plot (plus I had someone breathing down my neck about it). Overall, it was a modern take on La dolce vita. Gravity was very enjoyable. I mean, I won't go out of my way and say it was exceptional, but the way it was put together was interesting. I recommended it to my parents, and besides my dad ranting about some technical details, they seemed to enjoy it, as well. American Hustle? I'm not one for these con/mafia films, though I did really enjoy The Godfather and Mean Streets. However, this was not an exception. American Hustle consisted of crazy, useless characters and a plot that I barely cared for. I have two guesses as to why it was nominated: the first, David O. Russell made it big with Silver Linings Playbook, which was significantly better than American Hustle, but you know, same director. Two, it had a well-known cast, starring Christian Bale, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams, and Louis C.K.. It even gave a quick nod to Martin Scorsese, the king of the gangster/mobster/con films of the seventies by having Robert De Niro make an appearance. American Hustle is set in the seventies, another nod to Scorsese, but let me tell you, American Hustle will not be remembered in years for now. Thankfully, it didn't win best picture, but which film did win? The Steve McQueen film, 12 Years a Slave. I had wanted to watch it because it starred Michael Fassbender (I'm shameless, what can I say), but I never got around to it. Once I had heard it had won, even with Gravity winning seven Oscars, including best cinematography and best director, I proposed, with gleaming eyes, watching it one night with my boyfriend. Soon after starting, he stopped me and proceeded to delete the film, saying there was nothing in that film. We ended up finishing it, but he hated it. I can't say I hated it, but to say it deserved best picture, I disagree. It was very okay, not providing anything new on the take of a slave. It was the typical "white-man-is-bad, black-man-is-innocent", except for Brad Pitt, who comes in as the deus ex machina and, spoilers, frees Chiwetel Ejiofor's character. But whatever, this was expected, I assume. And finally, I checked out Dallas Buyers Club, which was pretty good! Of course, I loved Jared Leto's character. The film was an interesting take on the AIDS epidemic, dealing with a heterosexual man who contracts the disease. Now, let's talk about Her, shall we?

Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) leads a relatively lonely life, working at a job where he writes letters for the individuals in a relationship. He hears of a new operating system that is self-aware and gives it a shot. The operating system, who names herself Samantha (Scarlett Johansson), grows with Theodore as time goes on. Theodore finds himself attracted to Samantha, but this means finally divorcing his wife, Catherine (Rooney Mara). But biggest of all, he'll have to overcome to the idea of loving an operating system.

That synopsis was pretty horrendous, but I'm sorry, folks, I'm not very good at those. Anyway, this was a cute film. I mean, if you check out the colour scheme of the film, or watch the first five minutes, you can guess it's "one of those films". But, thankfully, this isn't a Wes Anderson type of cute. It's cute in the sense that, whil watching this entire film, you yourself feel conflicted because you're questioning exactly what the protagonist is - is this actually real? The operating system is self-aware, but it's still an operating system. It's like taking those "Internet relationships" with a grain of salt. I know I was shrug my shoulders with those, but if I was placed in the situation, I'd feel completely different about the issue.

The acting was pretty good. Joaquin Phoenix was great as Theodore (plus I dig that moustache), and Scarlett Johansson, well, her voice was great, haha. It was believable chemistry between the two, even if it wasn't exactly face-to-face. That makes for some great stuff, doesn't it? No complaints from Amy Adams, either, and the other actors all played their characters well.

I'll just go into more depth of the plot... I praised it already, but I'll do it again. It was interesting! It makes some great social commentary about the types of relationships that are evolving right now (no, not waifus), and what could potentially happen in the future. Her also made quite a few remarks I often find myself thinking, and I always feel excited when a film does that. Maybe the only complaint I had was in relation to the plot involving Amy Adam's and Joaquin Phoenix's relationship. It was obvious the way it played out. Even the film itself was a bit predictable, but it was entertaining nonetheless. The way the film is put together, i.e. the way it was filmed, was also well done. The colours were intense, and it did remind me of Wes Anderson, but the take on the plot was different.

I'll stop here since all I can really do is praise the plot. It's a romance, but it's smart, hence why I enjoyed it. I also just realised that Spike Jonze and Wes Anderson look alike... Hmmm... Take care, folks!

Pirate Bay torrent

Review LXXI - Gravity

Review LXXI
Gravity (2013)

It takes a lot to get me to go to the movies, especially as of late. Sure, school may be one excuse, but it's primarily because the films that are released on a weekly basis all look awful. When I saw the trailer for Bad Grandpa before seeing The World's End, I nearly walked out of the theatre. Instead, I should have taken it as foreshadowing for the film I was about to watch... But seriously, I'll enjoy a little piece of Hollywood extra-sweet fudge every once in a while. I did enjoy The Last Stand after all, and Con Air (directed by the same guy who directed the Rick Astley "Never Gonna Give You Up" video, Simon West) is one of my top films. Nonetheless, it's hard for me to actually pay to watch these films in theatres, and I'm still nitpicky as schnitzel when it comes to watching these bad films. When I heard that Alfonso Cuarón had directed Gravity, and I heard out-standing reviews for the film, I decided it was time to visit the theatre once again.

Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) are on their final spacewalk for their mission in fixing the Hubble Space Telescope (which will soon enough be replaced by the James Webb Space Telescope! The new telescope will focus on taking in infrared rays with a primary mirror being five times larger than that of the Hubble Space Telescope. The reason, by the way, that these telescopes are set in orbit is because the atmosphere does not allow for all types of electromagnetic waves to enter it. Thank you, Astrophysics! I knew you'd come in handy one day!). However, Mission Control warns that Kessler syndrome (chain reaction of destruction) is playing into effect after debris from a Russian missile have hit an old satellite. The Hubble Space Telescope is hit, and Stone is sent hurtling into space. Kowalski manages to get her back, but it comes to their realisation that they are the lone survivors. They desperately try to communicate with the ground crew in hopes they can hear them, however, they are soon faced with a difficult path in order to try and survive.

I'd just like to thank humankind for leaving junk, not only on the ground, but in space, as well. Earth may one day have rings, but they'll be made of garbage, not destroyed planets/moons because of the Roche limit. ... Now that that is out of the way, I'll just go ahead and compliment the film on its long shots, as expected from Alfonso Cuarón (who directed Children of Men, which I reviewed!). Of course, these long shots were filled with absolutely stunning cinematography. The view of the Earth was outstanding. It's kind of crazy when you think how far we've come in cinema - and space travel. But I digress... The cinematography was great, and I bought into it. My friend really enjoyed how the crew paid attention to detail on the space suits (I don't question his statement), as well. I'm also studying Chinese, so I was excited to recognise the characters for electricity (电) and power (力)! But seriously, it was well-filmed. Aesthetically, this film got it DOWN.

The acting was also great, but this was expected. My friend really enjoyed George Clooney's acting (or, maybe, it was really just his character), and I really enjoyed Sandra Bullock's. But, then again, this is expected. Sandra Bullock is a phenomenal actress, and George Clooney, well, he's good. He plays the manly character well - I'll give him that.

If you're looking to see a good film in theatres, take your chances on this one - it'll be showing up at the Oscars, I'm sure, and it's well done. You won't be wasting your money! I didn't see it in 3D, but it was made for it. If you can't sit through 3D films, don't worry, it's just as grand without the 3D effects.

Review LXIX - The World's End

Review LXIX
The World's End (2013)

I remember when I first plopped down on my couch to watch Hot Fuzz. My British friend had mentioned it in passing in one of our conversations, so, of course, I checked it out. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it started an Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost following. I proceeded to watch Shaun of the Dead and Spaced. I checked out Scott Pilgrim vs. The World once I heard Edgar Wright was attached to the project. I watched Paul because Simon Pegg and Nick Frost wrote and starred in the film. I was not short in extending myself to watching the work that starred these guys. While I didn't like Paul in the least, I was impressed with everything else. Thus when I saw that The World's End was coming out, the last film in the Three Flavours Cornetto triology, I made a date with a friend to watch it.

Gary King (Pegg) was the king back in 1990. Him and his friends - Peter Page (Eddie Marsan, Oliver Chamberlain (Martin Freeman), Steven Prince (Paddy Considine, and Andy Knightley (Frost) - attempted the Golden Mile, a pub crawl consisting of twelve bars. A minimum of a pint of beer per bar was part of the challenge, but, sadly, the group never made it to the end - that is, The World's End, the last bar. While Peter, Ollie, Steven, and Andy have moved on with their lives, Gary continues to dwell on the Golden Mile. He manages to convince everyone to regroup to finish unfinished business, but the Golden Mile turns out to be even more difficult than the gang recalls.

When the film was over, my friend and I remained oddly silent. That is, until I told him I hadn't particularly liked it. Subsequently, we scratched our heads trying to figure out what we hadn't liked about the film. We were mostly left speechless, only saying that it didn't seem on par with the other two films. Now that I've had many days to sit down and think about the film, I think maybe I can explain myself a bit more clearly.

I think the biggest issue I had with the film was the rush feel I got from it. I'd have to watch Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz again, but somehow, the development of the characters didn't seem as rushed as in this film. This makes sense given that we were mostly building on two characters in those films. The World's End takes on five. Two of the characters - Oliver and Peter - aren't built on as much, but I still take them as main characters given that they get an opening bit at the beginning of the film. The third - Steven - gets a bit more attention given that a love interest is established for him, Oliver's sister, Sam (Rosamund Pike), but still, I felt that whole love interest part rushed, and otherwise, he felt underplayed. Andy, well, he was established a bit more, but again, I didn't feel super connected with him. The only thing I had going for him was the "incident" between him and Gary that has left him a teetotaler (which he quickly ABANDONS *sighs*) and extremely bitter, but the way the situation is eventually "solves" seemed so farfetched to me that I quickly shut it down. And, finally, Gary the king. I'm sure Simon Pegg had great fun acting out this guy - oh, man, I know I would have loved it. Plus Simon Pegg sported those clothes absolutely brilliantly. But, again, I felt this lack of a motive for wanting to complete the pub crawl. I mean, sure, he's an alcoholic, but I would have preferred a deeper meaning to this guy. I would have enjoyed seeing how the last twenty years have been so devoid of everything, but instead, it was just, "I'm an alcoholic, and I want to complete this pub crawl."

The plot itself also seemed rushed, or, at least, random. We went from a regular drama to a science fiction film pretty quickly, but, then again, this seems en style with the other films. You know what, I'm willing to accept all the random bits thrown at us, even though I thought it didn't fit together well, but the deus ex machina ending of "screw this shit" just bothered me to no end. I don't want to spoil it, but seriously, it seemed idiotic. I get the whole premise of the film is going for a "body snatchers" idea, and the body snatchers represent the rejection of globalisation and this static lack-of-a-move in small towns, but then why the ending? Why choose an ending like that? It felt like the film was trying to address the significance of human existence, and it felt completely messy. This rushedness made me not appreciate the humour as much as I could have. And even then, I felt the jokes to be not as sophisticated as in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Some were, definitely, but others seemed not as much. Still, I'm not going to beat on it in that respect because the jokes were not incredibly stupid. I'm also not sure if maybe I didn't find them as funny because I was bothered with the plot overall. Still, though, if I couldn't appreciate the jokes, then what was the point?

I'd really like to watch the film again now that I understand what I disliked because I'm sitting on a rating of seven stars. I mean, really, the film was not that bad, but it was mediocre, in my opinion, and I expected so much more from Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost. Either I've gotten properly posh, or I was not in the right frame of mind when I watched it. Still, the soundtrack was fantastic. Thank you for that, at least!

Review LI - The Last Stand

Review LI
The Last Stand (2013)

I just realised I haven't watched a Korean film since the end of September. Still, I haven't forgotten the familiar faces that Korean cinema has brought to me. When I saw that The Last Stand was being directed by Kim Ji-woon, I was ecstatic and made it a must-see for 2013. Well, it came out yesterday, so today was as good a day as any to see Arnold Schwarzenegger in his first leading role since 2003. The film also stars Forest Whitaker, Luis Guzmán, Jaimie Alexander, Rodrigo Santoro, Johnny Knoxville, and Eduardo Noriega.

Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger) worked in Los Angeles, California (as GOVERNATOR) at one time as a big-time police officer, but has since displayed to Sommerton, Arizona to escape the brutality that he once saw. The police department here consists of only three other people - Sarah Torrance (Jaimie Alexander), Mike Figuerola (Luis Guzmán), and Jerry Bailey (Zach Gilford) - and they're not really the most compotent bunch. Sarah stays back at the police station to watch over her ex-boyfriend, Frank Martinez (Rodrigo Santoro), who is supposed to be kept beyond bars for the weekend for driving under the influence of alcohol. The rest of the game travels to Lewis Dinkum's (Johnny Knoxville) museum in order to take shots at slabs of beef. Everything seems to be under control until Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega), an infamous drug lord, escapes from custody at the hands of Agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker) and his federal agents while being convoyed. Now he's heading to the Mexican border via Sommerton, but he's in for a bigger fight than he thought.

The film appeals to the action-lover, that's for sure. It has an epically fast car (I don't know cars, so there's probably a better one, but I'm limited here. The car is a Chevrolet Corvette C6 ZR1) with intense car chases, it has gun fights with tons of blood and explosions (okay, at least one), and Arnold Schwarzenegger! The plot itself isn't anything spectacular, you know, typical action plot that leads to the most action and craziness as possible. It was crazy, but it was entertaining, and since that is what the film was aiming for, it succeeded. Slight spoiler... I did, though, wonder throughout the whole film how Gabriel Cortez's group made a bridge themselves leading into Mexico. Sure, it's a narrow canyon, but it's not a metre long either. I don't understand how not one single person saw them working on this bridge because it must have taken a while. The materials they had to order to, and making sure they had a great engineer so the bridge wouldn't collapse. Also, now that the bridge is there, will they have to set up another border crossing area? Or will they just demolish the bridge? I'm mostly doing this is a joke now, but this demonstrates that it is a typical action film because it has these pretty far-fetched schemes. I'm willing to suspend my disbelief for the film, though. It did what I expected - entertainment. However, I thought that, initially, there was a lot of swearing for no reason coming from Agent John Bannister. I don't know, it wasn't in particularly consist throughout the film, and it seemed useless at the beginning. There were also some pretty bad lines. Well, alright, maybe only one, and it was the "that ass" line coming from one of Gabriel Cortez's goons, Burrell, played by Peter Stormare (he's in the Big Lebowski! Whaaat!). It just seemed so out of place and ugly. Ugh, I still shudder at it.

I don't really have anything else to say about the film, so I might as well give my rating. I'd give it a seven point five on ten. It was entertaining, nothing more, nothing less, and if you're looking for an easy movie to watch, I recommend this one. Thank you, Kim Ji-woon, for making an English-speaking film - I can finally support you by seeing your film in theatres.