Review CXIV - A Walk to Remember

Review 114
A Walk to Remember (2002)

I didn't expect this movie to be good, but this movie had haunted me for a while... That makes it sound ominous, but that's not what I mean. I remember a friend many, many years back talked about this movie, and it had been referenced quite a few places. But like Soul Plane, it should have stayed buried... I'm talking about Adam Shankman's A Walk to Remember starring Mandy Moore and Shane West. Now, a quick search shows me that the film was slammed by critics - except Roger Ebert apparently (?!) - but praised by audiences. I decided it was time to break the curse - it was time to watch this movie and see just how bad it was.

Insert typical love teen romance. Insert devote, secluded, isolated Christian follower who's HOT and an angsty, bad ass teenage boy who falls for her. Insert bad ass friends and quirky black character. Insert bad ass friends reject boy when he decides to go with the girl. Insert boy doing everything for this guy while keeping his pants in check. Insert cancer (real cancer, not just the film), what a twist! Insert death. Insert medical school. Insert teenage romance never dies.

Guys... This film... Okay, let me get one thing straight. I'm not a romance type. I liked When Harry Met Sally... for example, but Say Anything... ? No. I mean, a little sub-plot of romance, fine, but... Okay, how about I say I don't like chick flicks? Alain Delon films do not count! I jest, but yeah, chick flicks are my nemesis being of that gender. So really, what was I expecting from A Walk to Remember? Not much, but I was expecting more. Let's go through this, shall we?

The acting. It was bad. No, seriously, it was bad. Shane West was awful. It was just edge the whole way through. Everything was wooden and lacking. Mandy Moore? Not any better. Again, this wooden acting every damn time. How can you get away with this? This was like watching a teenage play, but probably worse. It's almost like Dean Learner's delivery. But here I wanted an act, not someone putting on the truth.

The writing. Now, I can bitch about the acting, but my boyfriend - who got maybe five minutes into the film and was already dying - pointed out a valid point: The dialogue is atrocious. And it is. It was like the writers had never sat down with anyone and talked. Instead, they had them speak perfectly square sentences or just had really awkward phrases. Maybe it's Nicholas Sparks, the writer of whose book this is based on (please never read that), but the screenplay was written by some woman named Karen Janszen. Just look at the other films she's written for. Yeah, we were doomed from the beginning.

The plot. This ties into the writing, but it deserves a separate section. It was bad. I mean, again, what did I expect? I didn't expect anything good, but I'm going to go on a rant here. These damn films play into this idea that women can change men. Shane West's character (Layden I think? ... Oh, Landon) was this bad boy who nearly killed a kid and gets forced into doing some extracurricular activities at school. He happens upon Mandy Moore's character (Sam? Was that her name? ... It was Jamie. Woops) and nearly bites her face off. And then she sings some song at the end of some play and BAM, he falls for her. He abandons his friends, his lifestyle, and devotes (again, this word) his world to this girl. I mean, look, I can't say it's impossible, but this guy buys a STAR for this girl. I mean, shit, c'mon. He doesn't believe in God as she does, and yet we never have a debate. It's never an issue. I don't know - this girl brings up her faith rather frequently. I could see it being a problem, no? I mean, I've had debates even with just friends who had rather strict religious upbringings. I couldn't imagine myself staying wit- okay, sorry, I deviated a little too much. Basically, this guy left all his friends for this girl he's known for two weeks. I can't see this working out. And yet it does. He abandons everything. Even his mom gets a little worried when he decides he wants to go to medical school (we'll get back to this point in a minute). Let's be realistic here - this relationship is doomed and completely unrealistic. But this film plays on this fantasy teenage girls must have that they can form a guy to be exactly what they want. You can't. And it's disgusting if people take advice from these shitty, shitty films. How about a realistic relationship film? How about one where the two accept their differences and love each other? Because as much as there's this notion of "opposites attract", that's in magnetism, not between people.

Now, the plot there with the father and Landon? Garbage. I have never seen such shitty writing. This kid is upset because his father abandoned his family, yet I think it was just a divorce since the father wants to be close to his son. I mean, he's a cardiologist, so I would hope his son would be smarter than this. Although Landon does get into medical school, he's socially inept. Anyway, the only reason he ends up reconciling with his dad because his dad pays for private care for Jamie. I'm out. I'm freakin' OUT.

The way the girl brings up cancer is also really bad. I mean, damn, she reveals it for no apparent reason in an alley. She's apparently known for two years, has stopped treatment, and never even mentioned it to Landon. What a bitch! Wouldn't this be something you would tell someone you love BEFORE you start messing with their emotions? I'm wondering if this cancer plot is just a way of preserving a doomed relationship in the early stages of puppy love. Or maybe it's just bad writing.

The Christian plot was also... awkward. I mean, again, there is never a debate. Landon doesn't believe in God, yet we get these awkward scenes where Jamie brings it up casually and talks about Landon being her angel. Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable if you weren't religious and your significant other started bringing up this stuff? ... I guess it's just me. It really didn't make sense to me to have this part. I guess maybe it's just because it was in the book, but it didn't translate to the screen well at all. But then nothing did.

A Walk to Remember feeds into the teenage girl's dream about romance where you can model your boyfriend to abandon his life for you, all while having cancer and loving Jesus. Let us never speak of this one again.