Review CXLVI - Suicide Squad

Review 146
Suicide Squad (2016)

Sometimes I think I want to torture myself. Although in reality, I checked out David Ayer's Suicide Squad because I had discussed it with someone and I hated on it from the trailer alone. I really wasn't digging Jared Leto's portrayal of the Joker, but the guy I was talking with said he didn't think the way he approached the Joker was all that bad. I had briefly seen the trailer when it had come out if only because some friends were discussing it, but because it had been so long, perhaps my memory was playing tricks on me. So after listening him to talk about the movie, I decided I would check it out (in piracy), especially since critics had apparently buried it seven feet under causing utmost outrage for the fans when Ghostbusters wasn't slaughtered. *claps hands and rubs them together*

Honestly, I think I got, what, twenty, thirty minutes into the film and dropped it? So I guess this is less reviewing and more just hating, but that's okay. I figure as long as I'm up front, it's all good. From what I saw of Suicide Squad, it was a super stock film. That is, the movie recycled character introductions like we've seen time and time again, reminding me of Snatch. I also thought the whole introduction was shit in how it was executed. Check it out - we begin with I think it was the Animals' rendition of House of the Rising Sun. It seemed so misplaced. We got it as we rush across the water and enter the prison to see Deadbolt (Will Smith) talking shit about his food to the guard. The guard, being the dick every guard is in every Hollywood film, beats the shit out of him. Then it cuts to some song I didn't recognise for our introduction of Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) strapped to the ceiling of her cell. Now, what? How does she have straps in there? This is a maximum security prison - I don't think you're even allowed shoelaces, especially since this woman is psychotic and maybe will attempt suicide. It was just stupid.

Already I'm raging, but it gets worse. We then get Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) explaining each of the characters. First we start with Deadbolt, also known as Floyd Lawton, who is a mercenary. But he's also the father of a young girl. He is forbidden to see her because he is an ASSASSIN, but they meet in secret. Batman (Ben Affleck) catches the two and, though Deadbolt attempts to shoot Batman, his daughter stops him in the pursuit, telling him to give up. He does, and is captured. Honestly, what a shit backstory. I think it would have made more of a heartfelt story if he would have shot his daughter, and was now living with the consequences. I was waiting for him to shoot her, but instead we get some shitty acting from this daughter and Will Smith looking like this guy who became an assassin for only monetary reasons. I don't even know how his daughter is fine with him being a mercenary. I mean, maybe she isn't since she tells him to give himself up, but she isn't pissed in the least. It's just shit, honestly. It is super sloppy writing with no character development. Deadbolt is the bad guy who is really good. That's all we get from him - and I doubt it changes by the end of the film.

Then we talk about Harley Quinn. I'm just rolling my eyes at this character. She literally exists for sex appeal, and that's it. She also has a shitty story. She was a psychiatrist who was treating the Joker, and she eventually fell in love with him. And let me tell you, the acting when she is Harleen Quinzel is ATROCIOUS. It was on the level of Watchmen. So much so that I almost had a fear the acting would continue down that route. However, once Margot Robbie has to act a super obvious characteristic, she's fine. Anything subtle, anything that requires talent, not so much. So as Harley Quinn, she's fine, but it's so bullshit. So yeah, Harleen Quinzel (Jesus, that name needs to stop) falls in love with the Joker, who asks for a chainsaw. She promptly gives it to him and he busts out of jail, not before "hurting her real bad" with who knows how many volts to the brain, with Harleen Quinzel beckoning him. It was the stupidest shit I had ever seen. We get a shot of the two of them together with Harley Quinn as a stripper/go-go dancer or something. The Joker looks- actually, wait, I'll get to him. Anyway, so they're a duo, with Amanda Waller telling us she is even crazier than the Joker himself. Then Batman attempting to make out with her... "Hey, guys, Harley Quinn is the way we're getting our young male viewers in! Let's get her as nude as possible, and horny, and sexy as possible!" Christ... Just shit all over.

There were other introductions, but honestly, I don't even remember them because, by now, I was out. I know one of them gave themselves up, but that's it. So all I have is the Joker, who we saw multiple times. You know how I said I had hated him in the trailer? Yeah, I hated him more. His metallic teeth reminded me of a gangster with gold inserts, and his appearance in the club with Harley Quinn just destroyed me. He's a hardcore gangster in Suicide Squad, which I really, really did not like. The Joker is a jokester, a prankster. I hate this level of seriousness he ran - it makes no sense. I'm not gonna compare to the one in The Dark Knight because frankly, I can't remember the portrayal there all that well, but I recall him having super dark "humour". The portrayal in Batman was also fine. Here, the Joker is just crazy and freakin' idiotic. Granted, I saw him for two seconds, so I can't really make an accurate description on him, so maybe the jokes come later. However, what I saw was enough to make me really hate him. Honestly, that gangster portrayal crap is just so shit. SO SHIT.

Really, I just hate this overall introduction to the characters and insert to the main plot. I'd rather it be like Snatch where we learn about the characters through a particular scene, not by having another protagonist explain each of them. It makes everything seem rushed and the easiest way to give us a backstory. And it continues with Amanda Waller explaining why these guys are needed, instead of showing us the imminent threat. Why couldn't Suicide Squad start with that threat instead of the pointless sympathy call with Deadbolt, and showing us Harley Quinn? That's the point of using a visual medium to tell a story - so you can show us the scene, not tell us about it. Just shitty writing, honestly.

Finally, the use of old music in these films to get people swinging in the theatre is also driving me up the wall. Yeah, I know they have a separate soundtrack, but Watchmen did this by having old, classic rock songs to get you in or something, and it just keeps happening. Stop. I really can't get no satisfaction with these songs.

I wrote all that from thirty minutes - I could only imagine the whole film. Suicide Squad is so stock and unoriginal with really bad writing. It isn't worth my time, and it certainly shouldn't be worth yours. The only reason you'd see Suicide Squad is because the marketing was massive for this pile of junk, and you think it must be good since you saw five different trailers online. Just... whatever.